You Matter. I Matter. The Light Will Come.

Courage.

The light that always exists in us. The thing that doesn’t let fear prevail.

A year ago, I was battling with myself to make a move of courage.

I knew I wouldn’t have direction and I would have to find my footing one step at a time. It was going to be a journey, and one a rocky one at that. Flash forward to August. I make the decision. I step into the sun bracing for impact and everything hits me harder than I could have imagined. I cried a lot. I screamed a lot. I questioned a lot.

But man, that girl had so much courage. I know many more things will try and test me throughout this life, but I truly think that young woman will always be the one I look to for guidance. She finally made a choice for herself. She didn’t follow the rules. She didn’t do what was safe. She jumped. She committed. She cried. She pained.

Never once did she turn around and walk back.

She let the rain come down and cleanse her so she could focus and see clearly.

In the meantime, the boy she once loved with the energy of 1,000 suns made a series of choices. He chose to go on faithfully. He chose to learn more about himself. He chose to explore dating other people. Yet, he still chose to show up for her. They got something others wait their entire lives for and never receive.

They got a second chance. A second chance to be a part of the life of the other as friends.

There is no doubt in either of their minds that they were put on the path of the other to teach lessons they will carry for the rest of their lives. It is my hope that the relationship between these two people shows the world that love comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. ┬áSometimes you outgrow it. Sometimes it is wrong. But, with enough compassion and courage, what is broken can be transformed into something new. It will never be the same, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be better.

There is a song that comes to mind when I think about this.

The song is called “Love While You Can” from the musical If/Then and here is the set of lyrics that hits close to home:

“If what we had before
Is broken on the floor
We can see the way the pieces work
And make it something more”

Your heart beats every single day so that you can LOVE the hell out of the people, places, and things in your life. It also beats to remind you to fight every single day to be the version of yourself. Right now, this world needs love. It needs acceptance. It needs those who inhabit it to stop and think about the things that they are saying and doing.

No, my high school relationship did not work out.

Yes, my high school boyfriend and his boyfriend are a big part of my life. They are loving, caring, kind, and so much more. I am so thankful they have each other.

Yes, I will always love my high school boyfriend in some way. He will always have a place in my heart and a place across from me at a coffeeshop.

No, it hasn’t been smooth sailing for either of us, but I am so proud of how far we have come.

Please, don’t forget that when you love someone you want them to have happiness, contentment, joy, peace, love, luck, and more. Love like that doesn’t disappear just because a relationship comes to an end. That person still deserves all of those things, and honey, so do you.

I am in love with my life. I am blessed to walk this earth and carry a heart that goes to battle over and over again for the things it believes in the people it loves.

I dated someone who is more than worthy of knowing, he is worthy of loving. I sure hope he knows it.

I am happy and humbled to soak up the light in my life and to know that he gets to do the same in his.

Go love your people well.

 

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