I found this deep in the drafts here on my crazy thought blog. I am releasing it to the world because I believe that its contents will speak to someone who needs it right now.
I’d first like to say that I have tossed around writing this article for two months now. Two months ago, everything I would have written would have been rage. Two weeks ago, everything I would have written would have been written in forgiveness. Today, I am writing in a mixture of the two.
Please understand, that no matter how you break up, when you break up, or what happens after the break up, it’s hard. Connections are strong, and when you have to break one, it won’t be clean.
It will be jagged, sharp, messy and it’ll hurt a hell of a lot.
Now, I’m going to stop right there. What most people would say from here on out is how they want their ex to be successful, happy, all that sappy shit we are socialized to want for people when this type of situation arises. While ALL of this is true and all of us want that for our ex to an extent because we did love them, there will be times you where all you want them to do is “go to hell”. It isn’t because you hate them as a person necessarily, its because you loved them and you don’t get to love them anymore. Confusing, isn’t it?
Here’s another thing to contemplate.
There is no right or wrong way to handle a break up. Some people cut the other person off completely. Other’s cut them off for a while and try to stay friends. Ultimately, you have to do what is going to help you get through it. Sometimes that means going against the mainstream way to dealing with a break up.
In the case that your break up happened was because you were tired of being hurt and you felt under appreciated and unwanted, remember that you cannot forget that feeling. You cannot forget what it was like to write a card or send a text filled with words that showed your heart was on your sleeve just get a “aw that’s sweet” type of response. You cannot forget what it felt like to be ignored when you had hardly seen the person in a month.
That’s not love honey. It’s more like blissful torture and something you should not ever be subjected to again.
With that said, you can forgive.
I believe that forgiveness is an important part of break ups. Holding onto the anger of what happened in the relationship only hurts you, not the other person. Part of healing is forgiving the other person, but a majority of it is forgiving yourself. You feel like you were not good enough. Really, the two of you just weren’t good for each other.
Forgiveness is a way to try to make peace with it all. You recognize that what happened may have been awful, but that you are going to accept it and move forward.
You cannot change the past. You cannot change the fact that someone treated you as if you were disposable. But what you can do, is change the way you think about it all. You can think of it as a learning experience, one that made you who you are today. You have become a must stronger person as a result of what you have gone through. That’s a victory.
In the end, that’s all that matters.