I was looking at the stars the other night as I got out of my car. Man, they were pretty.
I opened my car, and the cold air immediately hit my face. I could feel my cheeks turn pink. I was mesmerized by how bright the stars were. It was like they were shining down just for me.
I felt something pulse through me. It was an energy burst better than any jolt caffeine can give me.
It was a pulse of life. I have been feeling those so much lately.
Today, I hugged my 81-year-old grandmother and my 76-year-old grandmother. Both women have been through so much life in their time earth. They have lived. They have loved. They have hurt.
As I felt my 81-year-old grandmother squeeze my hand with more force than I thought she had in her tiny body, I felt another one of those pulses of life.
We are here to live, not to just be alive.
Once, I sat across the table from someone who told me I was in the pain because I gave all of myself to the people I said I cared about and he/she did not. He/she knew not to do that.
As you can imagine, I felt attacked.
I think that might be the most self-righteous, most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you don’t give your all, what the hell are you doing? Why are you using your limited time here to do something half-assed?
It made me feel as though living as fiercely as I do is wrong. It made me feel as if God had forgotten to add a piece to me before sending me to earth.
I have come to the realization that this person is wrong.
Dead wrong, actually.
It is sad that someone can blame someone’s pain for giving a shit about something, don’t you think? It is sad that someone can blame someone for being committed and loyal. It is sad that someone can not understand someone else’s pain, or understand how much of it they caused. It is sad that this is not the first time this person has done this to someone. It is sad that this is not the only person to do this to someone or the only person who will do this to someone. It is sad how wrong this person is about living.
But, let he/she be wrong. It is okay to put your armor down. It is okay to fall to your knees because it is the only place left to go. That fire that burns in your belly that makes you despise this person for thinking this, that’s good. Please don’t forget that.
Cheers to living, not just being alive!
Cheers to feeling everything so intensely.
Cheers to the words “I love you” being a phrase that has weight behind them, rather than it just being one used to fill space.
Cheers to answering text messages and phone calls from everyone at the speed of light.
Cheers to going to help a friend late at night with no hesitation.
Cheers to the endless mini dance parties that overtake your life.
Cheers to being excited about every little thing, all the way down to your favorite coffee shop having perfectly toasted bagels.
Cheers to being the person on the other side of the table, knowing you gave and give your all every single day of your life, instead being the one invalidating someone’s entire being.
Cheers to finding the people, like you, who live on the very edge of fear and hope where the only option is to walk through uncertainty and change.
Cheers to the lessons learned.
Part of living, is letting go. It’s hard. It hurts. It’s for the best.
So, like I said, put your armor down. Put your sword in its case. Put your helmet in the garage. You don’t have to go to battle for someone who would not even think about doing it for you.
Pick up a pen, a paint brush, a script, a musical instrument, you name it, and go change the world with that heart of yours burning with passion. Believe me, the world needs it.